Thank you Phoebe

Satisfy ME

BELIEVE IT AND BE SATISFIED

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone -
to have a deep soul relationship with another -
To be loved throughly and exclusively.
But God says no; not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone.
Discovering that only in my your satisfaction is to be found -
Will you then be capable of the perfect human relationship that I've
planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united with me.
I want you to stop planning - stop wishing
And allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best, please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me; expecting the greatest things -
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
You just wait, that's all...
Don't be anxious, don't worry.
Don't look at the things others have gotten or that I have given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking at me, or you will miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready...
I'll surprise you with a love that's far more wonderful than any you
would ever dream of.
You see, until you are ready and
(I am working at this very moment, to have both of you ready at the same time)
Until you are satisfied exclusively with ME
And the life that I have prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your
relationship with me;
and this is Perfect Love.
And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love -
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me;
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting beauty, perfection, and the love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I LOVE YOU UTTERLY -
I AM GOD.
Believe it and be satisfied.

- Anonymous

God's Sonrise and the waiting game.

Today, God you woke me up at 6:00 a.m with your beautiful light shining through my window. I looked out side at the sky exposed in praise to you. You said "Go outside and look at my creation and beauty". So I walked outside expecting to see a majestic sunrise. And Lord you know that I was a bit disappointed. There was barely a glimpse of light rising up. But you said this is like your life right now, the light is barely beginning to spring forth, yet you have no patience. You need to be patient in order to see me fully glorified in your life. Then I said God, thanks for the sunrise I think I'm going back to bed. And as I turned to walk away, you said "Stop, wait, there's more!" So I obeyed and I waited and waited. With every passing moment the light began to shine brighter and brighter. Then at 6:27 a.m I saw your sunrise beautifully right before my eyes. And you said "all of creation testifies of my beauty, grace, and love! Aren't you glad you waited?" I knew that this sunrise, this morning was an answered prayer. Last night I prayed for visions and dreams from you about my future. This is my answer, to wait patiently for the son to rise and shine brightly in my life.

I wanted to share this beautiful moment with everyone because God's beauty should not be hoarded, it should be shared with an open heart.

and now...

I...am..going...back..to..bed! With joy of course <3

Say hello to vulnerability..HELLO!

Vulnerability and love are like two childhood friends who need to hold hands in order not to get lost in this world full of hypocrisy and fake masks. So I sit here and wonder..if I love my friends and my enemies like Jesus does..then doesn't that mean I need to share vulnerably with you guys about who I REALLY am? Not the sugar coated image of Stephanie Yu. I guess the answer is yes.

So here goes...

I went to the gym today. This may not sound extraordinary to someone who doesn't know that I had an eating disorder years ago. This statement wouldn't sound interesting if you didn't realize that I battled my biggest demons in this highly air conditioned building with so many mirrors you would expect to see your reflection on the ceiling.

So. I repeat. I went to the gym today. I had to check myself to make sure that I was there for the right reasons. I prayed about it, went back in forth with myself and God. And I have come to the conclusion that "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)" With that being said...I still don't know where my heart is. All I know is that this freshman fifteen is getting old, fast.

Moving on. I made my way into the quiet, dark stretching room. I thanked God that no one was in there to cramp my style. Let me explain the stretching room..this is where you stretch in positions that you would never dare to stretch in the middle of a crowded hot smelly gym.

A girl walks in, around my age, young and beautiful. She starts to do ballet turns. She looks so graceful and passionate about ballet. Jealous? Nah...maybe a little? haha. I felt like a creepy man as I admired her turns. There was so much drama in her determination to get those spinny turny thingys right. It was like watching reality T.V, minus all the b.s.

I am quietly listening to my Christian music. Feeling safe in my little bubble I so often create. I am soaking in God's love like a selfish little infant. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
maybe not.

Of course...I hear God say "talk to her". I hold off for as long as possible. Finally, as she packs up to leave, I take off my protective head phones and say "you are a great dancer." She humbly thanks me and says she still needs a lot of work. She walked away looking a lot less intimidating. I imagined her in a class full of thin ballerinas looking harshly at their reflection, judging every inch of fat on their body.

I hope she is stronger than I was. I hope we are both in the dark room for the right reasons. Because it would be a crying shame if we ever forget that God loves us....every single inch of us. Hey you..you reading this...don't forget that either okay?


Psalm 139 -God's declaration of His love for us.

"For you created my inmost being
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you. "
Verse 13-18

Skid Row

I finally went to Skid Row last night. It is its own culture and world. I just wanted to be present to God, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

It is only when I look through God's eyes, am I able to love this world.

I talked to this lady named Mary. She was so eager to talk and she helped me grow so much. She allowed me to pray for her friend Jose who is in the hospital. As I prayed, I really felt God speaking because in my prayer God told her that she is beautiful and that He loves her. These are two truth's that I would be too shy to say in my own strength. God helped me to genuinely care about her and her friend.

When I hugged her I didn't want to let go.

I realize now that when God holds us, He never wants to let go either.

It's beautiful. Just stop. And think about that for a moment.

THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE NEVER WANTS TO LET YOU GO. HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF. MAN. IT'S INSANE. THIS LOVE OF JESUS. THIS CRAZY..PASSIONATE...DEEP LOVE JESUS HAS FOR US. BEAUTIFUL.

Speaking of passion, the preacher who preached on a corner was full of it. He kept asking us questions about the text and about Jesus. I wished I had the perfect answer to his questions. But I didn't. The truth is I didn't have the answers, even though they are right there...in the Bible that I claim to love and read. He challenged me to dive deeper into God's word. I have never seen anyone so excited about Jesus before.

My prayer:

Jesus, help me to be more excited about you than anything and anyone else in this world. Forgive me for not loving you the way you love me.

Amen. Amen.

Lonliness

Lonliness is God's call to our hearts. He wants us to come back to Him, so He allows us to have a yearning for love and companionship. Too bad most of the time we run to Him last.

Heartbroken

Last night I prayed to God that He would give me a heart that weeps for people who are oppressed and have no tears left to cry. Be careful what you pray for. I woke up sobbing. This has never happened to me, NEVER!

I dreamed about a little baby boy still in the hospital after his mom gave birth to him. I was playing with him and taking pictures of him. For some reason I could tell what the baby was thinking. He tells me that his mother is in the other room and her heart is slowly dieing because the doctors arn't looking hard enough for a donor. For the first time I saw injustice in the form of indifference.

I was so mad at the doctor for not caring enough. But what really broke me was when I heard the baby think "I want them to tell me when she dies, so that I can go with her." That's when I started sobbing in my dream and I woke up and continued to cry.

It felt so real.

Everything felt so real.

I prayed for every mother and her baby who is being ignored by doctors because they are victims of injustice in the form of indifference. This moment with God means so much to me. It is one of the first authentic encounters I've had in sharing God's own heart.

I pray that my heart grows softer. Even if it means hurting on the behalf of others.

Which Jesus do you know?

Faith. Love. Hope. It all lies in Jesus. I'm not talking about the story book, cartoon figure, bumper sticker, WWJD Jesus. I am talking about the Son of God. The one who hates oppression of the poor and loves sinners. The one who loves His enemies and asks for forgiveness on their behalf. This is the Jesus I love. He is the one my identity is in. I pray that my photographs can give you a glimpse of God's heart for justice, peace, and love.