Last night I prayed to God that He would give me a heart that weeps for people who are oppressed and have no tears left to cry. Be careful what you pray for. I woke up sobbing. This has never happened to me, NEVER!
I dreamed about a little baby boy still in the hospital after his mom gave birth to him. I was playing with him and taking pictures of him. For some reason I could tell what the baby was thinking. He tells me that his mother is in the other room and her heart is slowly dieing because the doctors arn't looking hard enough for a donor. For the first time I saw injustice in the form of indifference.
I was so mad at the doctor for not caring enough. But what really broke me was when I heard the baby think "I want them to tell me when she dies, so that I can go with her." That's when I started sobbing in my dream and I woke up and continued to cry.
It felt so real.
Everything felt so real.
I prayed for every mother and her baby who is being ignored by doctors because they are victims of injustice in the form of indifference. This moment with God means so much to me. It is one of the first authentic encounters I've had in sharing God's own heart.
I pray that my heart grows softer. Even if it means hurting on the behalf of others.
RSS Feed (xml)
1 comment:
Hi Stephanie,
Is your internship over? I have been coming back to your site to see what insights God might have revealed to you. I hope you will be sharing some of your experiences, thoughts and feelings.
A month or so ago I was thinking about creating a web site called "WhatBreaksYours" since "BreakMyHeart" is already taken. I started to sketch out what areas I would but on the site. I thought about world hunger, child abuse, poverty, indifference, and cruelty to animals (I have a 13 year old daughter that watches a lot of animal planet).
As I started to scan the web for data I started with hunger. I found several sites and was soon overwhelmed. Just hunger was enough to break my heart. I realized that, right now at least, my heart is not strong enough to carry the pain that God feels.
Right now my heart is broken with my own grief from loosing my son last October. But I did realize that I can still pray towards the same end.
"God heal my heart so that you can break it for the things that break yours."
I also realized that it is important to know that as God breaks your heart, you will become more dependent on his strength to keep going. If I could look through God's eyes today and saw all of the injustice that he see, I would curl up in a ball and wish I were dead.
Keep searching and looking for the place God wants you to be. And remember that in the middle of all of the injustice there is pure joy like you captured on the little boys face.
Doug
DouglasGClarke.com
dclarke@san.rr.com
Post a Comment