Haunted

I can't run away from something REAL
just to settle for something FAKE.

I hate when I feel ashamed of the Gospel.
When I am shy to live out the truth
The only cause of my weakness is fear.
Jesus, help me not to be afraid to love.

I really love this Word

Jaeson Ma, a brother in Christ wrote this note on Facebook and it really blessed me. Please read it and be blessed as well.


"The message of Jesus Christ is a message of hope, a message of mercy, a message of life in a dark world."

Two years ago, I wrote a song called "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL" on my first album. I was listening to this song again this morning, and I was reminded of how life is not perfect, but life is definitely worth living. Many of us go through hard times, struggles and suffering. Many of us have had hopes that were shattered, dreams that never became a reality, and situations in life that never turned out the way we expected. Maybe our health failed, our relationships were broken, our finances tanked, our dreams slipped away, or we were wronged unfairly. Whatever the case, life never seems to turn out the way we think, but life can still be beautiful.

My Personal 9-11

7 years ago, I had what I call a "personal 9-11" where everything in my life that seemed to be going great, went wrong. I was 20 years old at the time and soaring with God as a new Christ-follower. I had it all. At the age of 20 I had a successful TV and Radio ministry, a great job at a Silicon Valley Media/Tech company, I was the top student at my Christian University, everyone at my local church loved me and I had my first girlfriend ~ the love of my life. It was sweet to be a Jesus lover at that moment, but I soon realized that I loved these other things more than Jesus Himself.

One day, something went wrong on our TV shoot and I lost my cool. I started getting angry at our production team and threw a fit. I caught myself in the midst of my anger tantrum and recognized I had gotten out of hand. The next day, I spent time praying in a church chapel and I heard God speak to me. He said, "Jaeson, what truly makes your life beautiful? Is it the blessings in your life or is it Me? I realized at that moment that many other things in my life satisfied my heart more than Jesus Christ Himself. When my circumstances were going great, I felt great. But if my circumstances around me went wrong, I would lose my peace. I was convicted by the Spirit that my hope was not in God, but it was in the things of this world. That day I prayed a very dangerous prayer...

I prayed, "Jesus be my only satisfaction."

I knew by praying this prayer, that I was going to give God complete access to strip away anything in my heart that satisfied me more than Him. It was a scary prayer, but I knew I had to do it. God answered this prayer immediately...

The next day was my 21st birthday and that night my girlfriend, the very love of my life, broke up with me with no explanation. My heart was crushed and I had no answers. The day after my birthday I had all my semester finals tests at the university, I nearly failed them all. I then got a phone call during the same week that the media company I was working at had to lay me off. I was devastated because I looked up to the CEO so much, I felt he had also failed me. A few days later I discover that my elders at the local church who used to praise me so much, were questioning my motives with the new TV and Radio ministry I had started. It seemed everyone had turned against me. To make things worst, when I got home I found out from my mom that there were violent threats made towards my family because of my father's past mistakes. The world had fallen apart all around me in a span of two weeks. I was devastated, depressed and without hope.

For the next year, I was completely depressed, angry at God and deeply hurting inside. I couldn't understand why things had happened the way they did. I would throw a pity party everyday, complaining towards God (mainly about my ex-girlfriend) about how my life was so horrible. I wanted God to take me away to heaven. Then something tragic happened that I couldn't explain.

One of my best friends, she was like a little sister to me, suddenly died in a car accident. Hanh was one of the most beautiful, hopeful, bright and optimistic 19 year olds you would ever meet. The night before she died, we talked briefly at a hospital. She said, "Jaeson so where have you been? Are you too busy to hang out with your little sister?" I told her, "I'm sorry, I've been out of it lately but we should definitely get together soon." She joked and said, "Sure, yeah right" knowing how self absorbed and busy I was. The next day she got in a freak car accident and died on impact. I was so shocked when I heard the news, I wouldn't believe it. I went with some friends to pray over her dead body, asking God to raise it back to life for 3 straight days. It didn't happen. I felt so guilty for not being a better brother to her, because I was so self absorbed with my own problems.

The night after her funeral, I had dream. In this dream, I was in front of the pearly gates of heaven. As the gates opened, Hanh was there to greet me. When I saw her I was so ashamed. I couldn't even look her in the face. All I could say was sorry for being a horrible friend. She looked back at me and said, "Jaeson, I've already forgiven you, just remember what is really important in your life. It's not the things of this world, but its your relationships. Don't worry about me, I'm doing fine, just look at heaven behind me!" She then waived her hand and I saw all of heaven filled with green hills, rainbows, bright shining sun rays and little animals running around freely everywhere. Hanh hopped, skipped and jumped into God's radiant love and I knew in my heart she was happy and going to be OKAY.

When I woke up, I knew I had a second chance to live my life in a different way. Interestingly, that next weekend I had an interview with a rock band called "Switchfoot" for our TV show. The band had just released their first cross over secular album called "The Beautiful Letdown". When I interviewed the lead singer Jon Foreman I asked him a simple question, "Jon, why did you guys title this new album The Beautiful Letdown?" He responded, "Jaeson, that is a good question. You see, everything in this life can let you down. Right now, the chair I am sitting in could break and fail me. In a few minutes I can go up and sing on that stage to thousands of people, but when I get off the stage my health could fail and I could lose my voice forever and never be able to sing again. I have a beautiful wife, but I could go home and find out she has been unfaithful. You see, everything in this life can fail you. Everything in this life is finite, meaning it doesn't last, but only one thing is truly infinite and will last forever. Yes, everything in this life can and will let you down, but the beautiful thing about it is this, when everything lets you down in this world it leads you to the one thing that is truly beautiful..... the unfailing love of Jesus Christ."

God was speaking to my heart. The next day, I went back to the chapel where I prayed, I wept and I repented before God for my selfishness. At that moment, as I was weeping before the Lord and starring at the Cross I heard the Holy Spirit say to me, "Jaeson, everything that you have suffered, I have suffered and a million times over. My love for you is true and it will never leave you. Be satisfied in My love."

Peace came back into my heart. I finally understood what it meant to make Jesus my only satisfaction. I finally understood what makes life truly beautiful. It's not what we achieve, what we have, who we know, or whether or not our dreams are fulfilled that makes this life beautiful. Rather, life is beautiful because God is beautiful. His love is unfailing and His love is the only thing that we can count on. When all else fails, His love is still there. What really matters, is that we have a "relationship with our Creator" and the love He gives to us, we are to cherish and give to others. Our success is not in what we achieve in this life, our success is in knowing Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I love Him, He loves me, I am successful!

Hard times will come. Struggles will always be there. Life will never be perfect. But God's loves will always be faithful. If we want to live a life that is truly beautiful remember the following...

1. The love of people often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God's love - Don't put your trust in the world's happiness, but put your hope in God's love. He loves us no matter what we do right or what we do wrong.

2. God loves you with an unearthly love. You can't win it by being winsome. You can't lose it by being a loser - We often think that God will loves us more if we do more for Him. This is not the case, God loves us not because we are perfect, He loves us because we are His children. Whether or not things are going great, or whether you feel like all is lost, know that God's love for you will never change.

3. God can turn tragedy into a triumph, if only you will wait and watch - We don't understand why things happen the way they do, but we can put our hope in God that He can make all things beautiful. Even what the enemy intends for our evil, God can turn for our good.

4. Love God for God. Life is not perfect, but life is Worth living - We are promised nothing in this world. The things of this world are passing away, but the love of Christ last forever. Put your hope in God and God alone. Love God not for what He can do for you, but love God simply because He is worthy of our affection. When Jesus becomes our only satisfaction, nothing else matters. We can't fail in this life, because His love is unfailing. Yet, when we know His unfailing love, it makes everything else in this life, good or bad that much more beautiful and meaningful.

5. Does your self-esteem ever sag? When it does, remember what you are worth - Max Lucado

YOU WERE BOUGHT, NOT WITH SOMETHING THAT RUINS LIKE GOLD OR SILVER, BUT WITH THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF CHRIST, WHO WAS LIKE A PURE AND PERFECT LAMB. 1 PETER 1:18-19

click on this link LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL to download the song...

I want to go...

Have you ever gone through a day and found yourself cry out "Lord..Lord...I need you" ever hour. Man...it is so crazy how much I need Him to fill me. Then again, I guess it isn't so weird..considering the fact that we live in a world that doesn't recognize Him.

I have been thinking about John 1 a lot:

"He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. 11 He came to His own, and those who were His own did not receive Him."

We are blind. We don't see Him, even though we are created in His image. Even though He is in everything and He made everything. The Word makes so much sense. God knew that we wouldn't recognize Him. He knew how hardheaded we are. We are the blind leading the blind. I live for those moments when my eyes are opened to Him, it is Heaven on earth. It gives me hope, a glimpse of something better. Something brighter. Can I get an amen?? Amen...!

My soul longs to be in Heaven, where there is NO sickness or death..

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

matthew 5:6


I want to be filled. With You. Only.

And unto us a savior is born.


Let me be content in all things.
Let me be content in you.

Your Eyes

Your love is wider than my need.
Your love will never run out.


I hope you can see
God's love through
the beauty of the sea

I hope you can feel
the Holy Spirit
through pictures of everyday
things

Cracks in a wall
that spread like spider webs
show me His intricate designs and plans

Beautiful Cross

These past two weeks being back in Fullerton have been crazy.
Feels like I did not have time to simply be still and be with God
Tonight was the first time I sat still
All my thoughts caught up with me
I felt so overwhelmed as a I faced myself
At the end of each season in life, God reminds me that I need Him to fill me up.
I miss Him.
Sometimes I get caught up with life
and forget about the Giver of Life.

God, you are good.
The Cross is beautiful.
Love without sacrifice is empty.
Sacrificial love is real and costly
but it's worth eternity.

Uncle

Thank you all for your prayers
today I talked to my uncle about God for the first time
He has been unemployed and divorced for more than 10 years
after my grandparents passed last year he has not been able to find a job
his job was to care for them
I know that God was pressing me to tell him how much Jesus loves him
I walked out into the living room after a whole morning of being lazy and reading
I didn't expect any spiritual talks
in fact I was beating myself up for not having any talks with family members yet
but as soon as I walked out, my uncle handed me to christian Cd's with hymns
he said I might like them cause he knows I am christian
I played nothing but the blood
and that opened up a door to spiritual conversation
i even told him my testimony
and he told me that he swayed back in forth during my grandpa's funeral
and he was told by a monk that he is in tune with the spirits
someone else also told him that he has demons in him
very intense stuff, I know
but it started making sense
he said that he is really scared of the spiritual realm and ghosts
then I told him that was really scared of that little room i am sleeping in
he look confused and told me that he used to sleep in there when he was sick because my grandparents didn't want him to be contagious
he said he spent a whole month in there a few years ago because of illness
no wonder I felt a spirit of oppression and sickness
I told him all of this,
I kept praying that god would give me words to speak

finally, out of no where I looked him straight in the eye and said
"God wants me to tell you how much he loves you and that he has been pursuing you all your life."
He smiled so wide I was so glad that he was so open to hearing these words.

God you are so goood, I have so many more details that I will share in person when I get back.


keep praying for more spiritual conversations.

Yesterday

For those of you who don't know, I am in Taiwan for my cousin's wedding.

post from Yesterday.

Last night I slept in a little room used as a storage room in my grandparent's home. They both past away last year. There is definetly something dark in that room. Right when I walked in I feltit. I felt the oppression. Honestly, I was scared to sleep, but that was the only room there was in the house for me to sleep in. I knew it was not by accident. Right when I was getting ready for bed I looked up verses on light. I found so many.

"God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all."
"The Lord is my Light and my salvation, Whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold, of whom shall I be afraid?"

And many more...

I wrote them all down on a paper and I put them on the wall. As I layed in bed, I debated about whether or not I shoudl turn the lights off. I was scared.

But if I truly have faith then I would have no fear. Perfect love casts our fear. so i turned the lights off and fell asleep. I slept beautifully.

This really reminded me of desperatly I need Jesus. He is so amazing. So protective. So powerful. I love him.

just wanted to share Jesus with yall.